*10/24/17* Someone from Vocal.Media reached out to me regarding my work and invited me to make Vocal the exclusive platform for my literary and creative endeavors. After much cajoling, I agreed to try it out and it has been a sobering yet worthwhile experience. My work will be hosted on Vocal going forward.
It was forthcoming.
I didn’t think I’d even get this far.
I’ve had this WordPress site for nearly 8 years now. It has gone through a plethora of changes. From different variations of themes to different site names, I’ve squeezed all I can out of this thing. As a standalone site for my creative endeavors though…it just doesn’t work.
Writers, especially poets, are an entirely different breed of human. When we share our work with the masses, we put ourselves out there to scrutiny…no matter how profane and irrespective of our inherent nature.
I have to tell you this first hand…it physically hurts to feel. To emote so profoundly and to be able to scratch the pain onto paper with words is an endeavor that should be given a global award annually.
Some of the most profound creative minds suffered for their creativity. And most were not able to cultivate an audience or share their love, pain, frustrations, desires, pleas for help and understanding…until they were gone from this world. More times than most by their own hands.
I’m not writing a eulogy. I’ve not composed a requiem in my honor, and I shall not build effigies inscribed with my most desirable lines of prose.
I am however giving this website a sort of last rites. This once booming website with views in the thousands per day has now become muddled with spam bots, one-click phantoms, and current college students looking to plagiarise my college essays for upper English classes.
Honestly, even the closest of my friends don’t bother traipsing about my work. The ones who claimed to be self-professed “fans” and clamored to me “Write More!”. Well over this past year I have begun to write more. I’ve taken the reigns of this site and have produce some of my most sincere and personal work. Yet it remains unread to the masses.
I can’t lie though. I don’t write for them. I don’t write for you (whoever ends up reading this post buried under dust and debris). I write to live. To survive.
In the acknowledgments to my 1st collection of poetry Tragedy Springs & Other Collected Works (available here but does it really matter?) I state in regards to writing:
It truly helped direct real impetuous and violent acts through a pen and into a notebook instead of through a gun and into the obituaries.
The pieces you may slowly see disappearing from this website were therapeutic in nature. If I didn’t have the ability to write how I was feeling at the time, I may have just eaten a bullet or cut through the tendons in my wrists.
If you’re surprised by the above acknowledgements you shouldn’t be…all you had to do was meander through the words I shared.
In closing, there were those that did embrace my work. Even some who had no idea what I was writing or what any of it meant…or maybe just took it at face value. Those people are painite for me. They gave me a chance and bought a ticket therefore taking the ride with me. I will be forever grateful for those who stopped and meandered…even if you did not like what you saw.
I’ve already began dismantling my posts. The latest posts that were up are now gone. Lost to an oblivion that may never be scoured. It’s a bit poetic actually. To be able to see the posts slowly disappear from the front page. Almost like rewinding a VHS tape. And also like they never happened…which I’m almost assuredly making a reality.
I may still write. I still have the passion in me. But I will absolutely not share anymore. I can’t. If my words wither under the sun and cascade into a laconic grave, let it be with me and my own understanding of my work. There is no use in putting my already unheard voice to global degradation and dismay.
And since this post will not be read either, I may speak frankly to myself:
Carry on. Write. Keep the inspiration in yourself lit. Do it for you. Do it for Annemarie. Do it to live.
C’est la vie,
Adam Delia – Autumn 2017 AD